here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
