My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
