she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
