I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
