I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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