are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
