i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
