I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
