White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
