So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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