I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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