He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
