Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize