Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
