just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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