I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize