Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
