We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need moral support for this bender
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
