ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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