I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i think im in europe. pls send help
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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