Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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