There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont even know how to be here
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
