Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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