if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
