theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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