So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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