When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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