hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize