Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
