SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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