I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
