Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
