I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
