New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
