dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
