I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
