Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
