I seem to have left my pride at pride
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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