Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pants are for mortals
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
