my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
