I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
