Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i already hear my dad disowning me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
