I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
