Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
