I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
