I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
