They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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