Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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