My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
