yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
